This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
