If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
