i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
