I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
