Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
