dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize