His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
