We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
