So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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