Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
