Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
