Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
