i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
