I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's shark week go big or go home
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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