I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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