I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
