Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
