Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
