Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
