YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
