Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
