Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
