i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
