see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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