if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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