i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
