I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
