Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
