Your mouth is God's brothel.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
