So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
