You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
