can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
