Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
