i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize