Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
