My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
please come you make the beer taste better
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
