I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You pole danced in your parka.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
