READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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