2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
