I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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