Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
