I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
