his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
