What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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