I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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