the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
