Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
