Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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