I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
