I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
