In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
