I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
