I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
