He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
