She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
