she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
