just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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