if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
