clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
