dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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