One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
