Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
