just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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