Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
