she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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