I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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