I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
