I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize