Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize