i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
