I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
