kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
