with your own penis?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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