I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
