clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize