Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
