Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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