They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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