the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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