omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
its liver damage thursday
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
