i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
