I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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