this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
