if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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