Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
