Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
