You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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