I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
