whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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