Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
