we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
