return my video game
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
