My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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