So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
