I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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