he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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