Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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