This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize