I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
